I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a blog again for a while. The last time I shared my personal life online was almost 10 years ago. I stopped because I realized I’ve been very candid with my thoughts and shameless self-promoting. Consequently, I developed a reasonable fear of my “not-so-secret” life jeopardizing my future (ie. Getting a job).
The reason I wanted to get back into blogging again was the “On this Day” app on Facebook. I was smart enough (back then) to link my blogposts to Facebook notes. So, every now and then, I’ll receive a reminder on memories that happened over the years. It’s almost like reading a diary, except that it was all over the Internet. No matter how embarrassing or silly the posts were, it was nostalgic to read my young self. I was so carefree with my writings and had no fear of being judged. With age, I gradually became conservative with expressing my thoughts and eventually stopped sharing them completely.
Enough of this resignation talk. First posts should be a little more exciting. Like How I Met Adam – the love of my life.
It all started on the last shift of my job, 4 years ago. Time flies. I wrote a farewell email to all the people I worked with in that department. I received a lot of a well wishes and of course, one email stood out more than the others.
I read and re- read it probably 10 times before I sent my reply. A little backstory to this …. Adam and I had little to no social interactions when we were in the same area. We had an amicable working relationship but that was all. He was known as a very serious, quiet and very demanding person. Plus, almost all the girls in my area had crushes on him. I remember during my co-op, I’d hear girls gushing about him and I’m like who’s this Adam. He was the youngest manager and of course, cute to boot. I admit, I too thought he was attractive but I refuse to Erm, be part of that cult. Plus, he was also unavailable so it was a no-go zone for me. For a couple years at least. And that brings me back to the fateful email.
I wrote back and half anticipating that he probably won’t respond. I honestly thought he was just being polite. But of course !
He replied and left me even more confused . I even consulted a close male friend – Myz – to analyze the emails … Yes, I was that clueless.
“He’s obviously interested in you. He’s asking questions and initiating conversation!”
When I heard that, I was giddy and nervous with excitement. Giddy because it’s been a while I’ve had any romantic encounters. Nervous because I’ve had so many dissapointing relationships that I was at the verge of giving up on finding love at all. Truthfully, I was at my lowest point in my dating history. I even entertained the idea of dating very wrong and incompatible men but I wasn’t that desperate yet.
“OMG What should I I say???!!”
I wrote and re-wrote my reply multiple times because I didn’t want to come across too strong nor appear too interested ….. All the shitty online dating advice crossed my mind while I stared at my response. Ugh. I hit Send, went on my Yoga Ashram Cult retreat and not think about it anymore. After all, why dream so high when the sky is unattainable? (Such terrible self-confidence I had)
Play it cool, Don’t be a fool …
Be still my beating heart …
I consulted Myz again.
Should I add him on BBM? Would it be too aggressive? Will he think I’m desperate ?!!! What do I do ??!!!!
“Just do it.”
And so I did. Best decision I’ve ever made in my life.